You reap what you sow

Two of the 5 buckets of lemons that I picked this past weekend, waiting to be gently cleaned

There is a saying that goes...you reap what you sow...and yet sometimes I find, you reap what other people have sown and you have nurtured.  

Case in point, my lemon tree.  I didn't plant the tree, gosh, I am not even sure how long it has been on the property, perhaps since the house was built in 1947?  However, I now get to reap the benefits of having a tree that is fully grown and a prolific producer.  I do not believe though, that the prolific nature of this tree happens solely by accident.  I have no doubt it would produce some lemons if I didn't water it, or give it organic fertilizer, but I don't think it would produce so consistently throughout the year, nor anywhere closer to the amount of lemons.  As odd as it might sound, I feel a special bond with this tree.  I look out at it as I work from my home office each day.  I enjoy seeing the hummingbirds feed on it, the blossoms spring forth, the baby lemons form and change from green to yellow.  This tree gives me so much pleasure and I love it for that.  As such, I believe it showers me with lemons that are becoming a 'high demand' item with friends..in fact they are so loved, a friend sends boxes of my lemons to her father on the East Coast!

All this leads me to wonder about what else we get to reap that another has sown.  And I keep coming back to family generations.  The idea that my grandparents worked hard so that my parents, aunts and uncles could have a better life and in turn, my parents worked hard to ensure that my siblings and I had privileges that they didn't have.  In a strange way, I feel like I am reaping the benefits of both these past generations and the generations that came before them.  I also believe that the work I do, such as the work I did while I was on the board within my community will allow others to reap some rewards from the seeds of ideas that I planted, suggested or assisted in creating.  However, my inner critics grab hold of me and force me to ask myself the same question over and over again 'do I deserve to reap the benefits that others have sown?'  This is not an unfamiliar theme for me - do I deserve?  

I have to assume that my previous generations would implore me accept their gifts graciously and yet I feel guilty for doing so.  Many of them are no longer around so I can't ask them, but I think it would be worth my while to at the very least, to ask my parents.  That way, I could perhaps put this nagging feeling to rest and embrace all that I have, knowing others would want this for me and that I too will give things to future generations without ever needing to be 'repaid' or thanked.

In the meantime, I consider myself the guardian of my amazing lemon tree, and I will continue to love and care for it until we sell this house and a new guardian moves in.