Quote for Friday

Excellence is...

~ caring more than others think wise,

~ risking more than others think safe,

~ dreaming more than others think is practical, and

~ expecting more than others think is possible.

~Author Unkown

Serendipity and the Now

As luck would have it, I was scheduled to be on a call today as part of the Time Experts Telesummit.  Dr Neil Fiore, author of The Now Habit, was the guest speaker and he spoke about procrastination and choosing to spend 15-30 minutes per day to advance something that we are committed to in our lives.  He called it the 'fear inoculation' and the sooner we are able to take a step towards what we fear, the sooner we will be able to overcome it.

The conversation itself was interesting, but given the week I have had, and my lack of any real advancement on my 3 tasks, I found it particularly applicable.  There is a familiar pattern in what has transpired this week and what transpires more weeks than I would care to think about, or want to admit. 

I certainly get things done, don't get me wrong.  I am not sitting watching daytime TV - far from it - rather the little, dare I say, more trivial To Do's get done first and then that bigger, more important and scarier ?? things get put off.

I hate to admit it, but this is my form of self-sabotage.  I am embarrassed to even be typing this and I have a strong desire to delete this last few lines, but it is the truth.  Oh how, I wish it wasn't!  Couldn't I pick another one, perhaps a more appealing version of self-sabotage?? 

Here's the thing, I know what my priorities are (according to Neil, we all do).  And, I KNOW how good I feel about myself when I do the right thing first.  I now need to focus on re-building that muscle so that it becomes a new (and rewarding) habit for me!

Neil's advice is to spend 15-30 minutes first thing in the morning before you shower or eat breakfast to advance one of your top priorities.  I am going to experiment with this next week, anyone keen to join me?

'Most important' - Day 3

The results are in, and they are not good.  I am now officially '0 for 3' on the task front.

Here is what I have learnt:

- 2 out of the 3 tasks should perhaps have been broken down into smaller tasks or steps as they each have required a variety of other pieces to be put into place before they could even be started, let alone completed

- it is possible that while my original 3 tasks were on target, I was wildly optimistic given I have spent time with my family (who was visiting from out-of-town) over the past few weeks and so I was behind on other things and needed to play catch-up this week, and,

- I will admit, that I am seeing an unpleasant and profoundly dissatisfying pattern here, which is... the important business stuff always gets put to the bottom of my list, unless it is pressing, or for someone else (and then I am great!)

Of course, I would rather not be admitting this to anyone, myself included.  I have faint stories like 'I am a coach, I should be better than this' and 'I shouldn't tell people I don't have my sh*t together...what will they think of me?!?' but like I said, these are faint.  Right now I am far more fascinated in what is going on, my process and figuring out how I want to be/live going forward from here.

This system clearly isn't working as it has me grumpy each night and frustrated with myself and my life.  I know this must be good news because once I get bored enough with anything, then I immediately do something about it.

I can feel a change for the better coming on...I can't wait to see what it reveals.

From a 'work in progress Catherine' here's to the next evolution!

Doing the right/most important thing first - Day 2

Well, I kept my promise last night, and after I posted my blog, I took a clean sheet of paper and wrote the 3 things I was going to focus on today.  

Let's just say I didn't even get through #1.  

The first problem I ran into was, I really needed to go to the grocery store so we would have food to eat.  While this activity wasn't on the list, and isn't part of growing, focussing or investing in my business, I could justify that having food was important and therefore 'enhanced' my life!  So, I went.  Sadly, it took longer than planned, particularly by the time I got home, unloaded the car and put everything away.  

Not to worry, I told myself, I had started task #1 (to update my Shaped Reality main website) last night by discovering that my old laptop which had my website on it had been wiped by my tech support (aka my hubbie) when he had upgraded it to the new Mac OS.  He had pulled out the CD with the applications I needed, and loaded them.  Then I did a software update (which took hours, but nonetheless was behind me), and he even found a copy he had made of my website and saved to a CD.  So as I sat down this morning, I figured put in the CD, load my website and I'll be ready to update...alas...no.  Turns out the CD had nothing on it.  Not to fear, with his help, I used Firefox FTP (read, super proud of myself to know how to do this!) to locate my website and copy the files from the web back to the laptop.  Ha!  Now I am ready to go!  But no...I wasn't.  

It turns out that iWeb, in which I had created my basic, but functional first website doesn't have an 'import' feature!!  Apple, seriously, this is a MAJOR flaw.  As one of your most loyal fans, this is a serious oversight on your part!  So the next couple of hours were spent reading about fixes on the web...and now at 6:20pm, I am once again going to have to ask hubbie for his help, or, resort to recreating the site from scratch.  Now, this wouldn't be such a bad thing, if only I had known this at 11am, I could have saved hours of messing around.

So, I haven't even looked at task #2 or #3 yet, with a bit of luck and dedication, I MIGHT get #3 done tonight, but #2 has no hope.

I am feeling a little defeated quite honestly.  However, I am not going to let that stop me.  Instead, I have rearranged my day tomorrow and I will focus on tasks #1 & #2 again and with some determination and focus, I am aiming at hitting a home run tomorrow!

Wish me luck!  Oh, and let's hope the technical gods are shining down on me and that my computer problems will not exist tomorrow!

Catherine

 

Doing the 'right' thing first

On Friday, my Solopreneur Group challenged me to spend this week focussing on 'what is most important.'  You see, like the quote I posted on Friday, I can get caught up in the To Do's of life and not get to the important stuff.  I would love to say that the To Do's are important too, and they are, but I would be kidding myself to say that they are 'more' important.

I seem to have a never-ending To Do list, to the point that some of my friends joke about it, and years ago, one challenged me, that 'for every 1 To Do item I added, I had to take 3 off.'  This was easy if I could find 3 to get quickly handled, or at a stretch I could delete a task (which used to be a rarity for me, but I am finding it easier to get on board with these days - particularly when I just KNOW that I am never going to get around to that item and changing the date every week or month doesn't help!)

So, did I do the most important or right thing first today?  No.  However, here is what I learnt from today....

1.  I didn't make an actual list this morning, rather I had it in my head and meandered through my lists, piles, emails and tasks

2.  Having not actually sat at my desk for any decent length of time in the last few weeks doesn't work for me.  I need chunks of time to just sit and plough through work and not get up, go out or get distracted in any way

3.  I need to create a better filtration system for myself (eg: who cares what other films the actress from the movie I watched last night has been in, it really doesn't enhance my life, but it does take my precious time to look it up!)

4.  What I also KNOW to be true about myself...I ALWAYS feel better about myself when I do the right things first!!

My commitment for tomorrow is as follows:

1.  As soon as I post this blog, make the list of the 3 most important and 'right' things to focus on tomorrow

2.  Ask myself the question 'does this activity enhance my life?' at several intervals tomorrow - specifically if I find myself doing anything other than the 3 above listed tasks

3.  Remember the 'right' perspective that I committed to for this week is 'growing, focussing and investing in my businesses'

4.  At the end of the day tomorrow, review my list and my achievements, and celebrate!

What is the right thing for you to do first tomorrow?

The absence of goals

In the absence of clearly-defined goals, we become strangely loyal to performing daily trivia until ultimately we become enslaved by it.

~ Robert Heinlein

Roller Coaster Riding

I LOVE roller coasters!

For those of you who know me, but don't know me well, this may come as a surprise - given I like to be 'in control' and on a roller coaster I am so not in control.  However, there is something appealing about letting go and trusting that I will arrive safely back at the end of the ride, perhaps with a few bumps or bruises, but mostly with an adrenalin high and a smile on my face.

While I love some of the newer rides like Tatsu at Magic Mountain I am a bigger fan of the old wooden roller coasters like The Giant Dipper at Santa Cruz's Beach Boardwalk.  I always walk off laughing, it has enough of an adrenalin rush without scaring the living daylights out of me.

This year while I was in New York, my cousin and I took a trip out to Coney Island and we rode the Cyclone.  It definitely wasn't my favorite ride of all time, but given it's legendary status, I thought it was a must.

Recently, I was having an interesting conversation about 'control' at a party (not brought up by me, but I certainly engaged in the topic once it was raised).  The theme was that control is an illusion and yet so many of us try to hold on to it, grasp it or perhaps even suffocate it.  I know that there have been times in my life when I have wanted control of myself, my life, my health, to the point of desperation, and while I tried to convince myself that I either had control, or was gaining some form of control, I am not sure that was really accurate.  However, control is not something I give up easily, unless, I am on a roller coaster, and then I am a willing participant.

I wonder if I gave up control willingly in other areas would I laugh and smile more?  Would I have more adrenalin just for life?  I think it is worth considering.

Where do you give up control?  Willingly or otherwise? 

What could you let go of?

In this world of information overload, what could you let go of permanently today? What catalogs do you receive but never look at? What emails do you delete without ever opening?

There is freedom in unsubscribing and not having to deal with the catalog or email ever again.

Believe me, this is a case where less, is more.

My invitation is to call one company or visit their website today and unsubscribe, take the two minutes so you won't have to spend time in the future.

It's worth it!

Remember the romance

Every once in a while, do something unexpectedly romantic for your someone special.  It will have benefits beyond measure.

Is it better to...?

For the last week I have had family visiting the Bay Area and while they haven't stayed with me the whole time, I have been trying to see them as much as I could.  As such, I haven't had the time to really write a decent blog post, at least, not by my standards, or original intentions.  

I have kept the promise to my self and a group of solopreneurs that I belong to, to blog each day, but it has been rather a rush.  So, as I find myself needing to run out the door in 5 minutes, I say to myself....is it better to not keep my promise and skip a day of blogging?  Or is it better to at least post a quote, photo or thought?

I think it is the latter.  And, in doing so, I remind myself that I, like life, am not always perfect and can't do everything to the fullest extent, sometimes, 'being done' counts for something.

What are your thoughts?

Forgiveness

I went to hear an amazing speaker last night on the topic of forgiveness. Dr Fred Luskin, is both entertaining and knowledgeable, but even more than that, he is realistic, about human beings and how we truly behave.  He was honest about the egotistical and self-centered nature, that we all have the ability to exhibit.  But perhaps what I was left with most, was that there may never be a time when we actually want to forgive someone for how they may have wronged us.  There is never a 'right' time, and often we hold onto the grudges for FAR longer than the scale of the event perhaps deserves.  The fact is, that our unwillingness to forgive hurts us FAR more than it ever hurts the other person.

While I might not feel like forgiving the people who have 'wronged' me, I am very clear that I have no desire to have my anger and bitterness impact me any longer.  Therefore, my commitment to you is to make a list of those who I need to forgive and start to work on that.  I have no doubt that some will be easier to forgive than others, and I know it is going to take a dose of generosity on my part, but I am up for the challenge.

How about you, are you ready to let some of those grievances go?

I hope so, because Fred assured us that it will come back to benefit us in spades, and I think it is worth giving it a go.

With compassion for us all,

Catherine

Favorite quote

This is one of my all time favorite quotes.  I think because it resonates so deeply within me and there have been times in my life where I have sought desperately to fulfill a dream where everything around me had moved on, and I was trying to complete the last 10%.  Of course, with hindsight, everything worked out as it was meant to and this particular piece always reminds me of that.  

Enjoy!

We plan our lives according to a dream that came to us in our childhood, and we find that life alters our plans.  And yet, at the end, from a rare height, we also see that our dream was our fate.  It's just that providence had other ideas as to how we would get there.  Destiny plans a different route, or turns the dream around, as if it were a riddle, and fulfills the dream in ways we couldn't have expected.

~ Ben Okri

Favorite places

Do you have favorite places that you like to revisit each time you return to your childhood home, or each time you return to a location you don't live anywhere near?  Somewhere where you will drive out of your way just to eat their food, drink their drinks or soak up the ambience?

I do. Many, in fact, but one of my all time favorites is what I affectionately refer to as The General Store.  

It isn't really a general store, but rather a cafe with a big, double-sided fireplace inside for when it is cold and foggy like this.

It is equally beautiful whether it is cold and foggy or hot and sunny.  

It is located on the east coast of New Zealand's south island, between Blenheim and Christchurch.  Whenever I am in Blenheim, I will make the hour plus drive each way, just to go and have coffee and sit in this place.  There is something so wild and untamed about it that I am just enthralled by.  Even if I am only able to stay for 30 minutes, I consider it well worth the trip and it's impact on me is one of serenity and true contentment.

I simply love this place!

Where do you just love to go?

Living

(I heard this quote on a radio show in the Bay Area in 2006, and it really resonated with me).

When you live in the past, you die in the present.

Where are you living?

Toodledo

After 5+ years of the same cell phone (I know, totally against the norm of upgrading every two years), I recently upgraded to a sexy, new iPhone, and I LOVE it!  In addition to it's many features, my husband recently discovered Toodledo in the App Store...and it rocks!  

Toodledo  is so much more than a To Do list!  As a list-making person in general, I was a fan of the Palm To Do list, but in my opinion, Toodledo, blows the Palm product out of the water.  Toodledo, has features like Folders (which are like categories that my To Do item might fall under), but then it also has Contexts (which could be considered as either, my mindset at the time, or my location).  So, (a very boring example, but you'll get the idea)...let's say I wanted to pick up a specific facial moisturizer while I am out it might look like this:

Task: Pick up facial moisturizer

Folder: Health & Beauty

Context: Out & About

So, next time I am out running errands, I can look under the Out & About Context and see what other tasks I might be able to do at the same time.

And, if that is not fabulous enough, I can enter the length of each task. If I have 10 minutes between calls and I am wondering what to do with the time, I can organize the Tasks by length and see all the options that might fit into the amount of time I have available.  

A super added bonus is that Toodledo is a Web 2.0 product and so it is updated live.  There are a number of other fantastic features, which I haven't mentioned here, but perhaps the best is that it is FREE.  You can upgrade for $14.95 for the year to the pro-subscription, which in my opinion is well worth it, AND, a tremendous bargain!

All-in-all, I am a HUGE fan of both the iPhone and Toodledo.  I can't wait to see what I can accomplish with this new tool!

I love technology!

Catherine

Enriching your soul

One of my absolute favorite places to be, in the entire world, is at the ocean.  Whether I am high up on a cliff looking down or standing on the beach with the sands between my toes, I am at my happiest.  My soul is enriched in ways that few other places have the same affect.  I am warmed down to the depths of my core, and it doesn't even have to be a sunny day.  In fact, I love the stormy weather along the Northern California coastline where I can witness mother nature as she pounds the waves into the cliffs below me.  I can watch for hours mesmerized by constant motion of the water.  I am in awe of how small I seem against the power of the water. Equally, I love to hear the horns blaring while I am shrouded in fog and can hear the water lapping quietly at the edge of the beach.  Yes, there is something about the ocean that has a magnetic pull on me, that when I honor leaves me feeling humble and fulfilled at the same time.

Where is your soul enriched?

Fondly,

Catherine

Photo: The Pacific Ocean from Santa Cruz beach, October 2006

What makes you come alive?

Don't ask what the world needs.  Ask what makes you come alive.  Then go do it.  What the world needs is people who come alive.

~ Howard Thurman

You Can Heal Your Life

Today I took the time to watch Louise Hay's You Can Heal Your Life movie.  You can watch it streaming on the web for $4.95 at www.youcanhealyourlifemovie.com This is not something I would typically do during the 'work' day and yet, it feels very much in alignment with what I do and so I choose to make time for it this week.

I am a huge believer in our ability to use our minds to heal our bodies, and likewise to allow our minds to poison our bodies, so I really respect Louise's work.  

I enjoyed the movie and it was refreshing to be reminded that I am not the only one who walks around with hundreds of comments, opinions or thoughts going on constantly in my head.  I intend to buy the DVD and watch it over and over again as I know I will pick up a little something different each time.  

Louise was a pioneer for her time, and thank goodness for people like her who trust their instincts - even when there may not have been 'evidence' around to support their ideas, she knew she was on to something and she stuck with it.

Are you a pioneer?  

If so, here's to living boldly in the world...

Catherine

Being Real Part II

After publishing my blog yesterday and walking away from my laptop, I started to think further about this 'being real' idea.  It turns out for the most part, I don't have a problem being real, truthful, straight up, and perhaps even at times... bordering on rude, (although I am embarrassed to admit that), to service people. I do have a much harder time being that way with friends or people I care about.  

I seem to be filled with inconsistencies. If a barista at Starbucks doesn't make my drink correctly, I will likely mention it and thankfully, they always offer to correct it.  If this occurred at a mom-and-pop coffee shop, I might be less likely to say something, but then I wouldn't go back again.  If I am really irked by something I will call or email the company to try and get the situation rectified. If I am in a hair salon and I hate what they are doing, I sit there likely a stunned mullet and keep my mouth shut, promising myself as I leave, to never return.  Only once have I ever called a salon back to say that I was unhappy and went back in the next day to have them fix the situation, but that was mainly because I was on my way to my brother's wedding and knew that the photos would capture my terrible hair dilemma forever.  

I do believe I have narrowed down my problem with telling the truth to hair stylists to this... I think of my hair as their 'work of art' and I don't like to criticize their work.  The obvious flaw in this explanation is that then I have to walk around with their art (that I don't like) on my head, until it grows out.  I have no doubt that this does them a disservice, as much as the mom-and-pop coffee shops with drinks I don't like, but I don't like to hurt peoples' feelings so I keep my mouth shut.

On the other hand, if I have to engage with the problem by phone (ie my mortgage company needs proof of flood insurance and they change their address and don't let me know, but make me send the fax a second time because of their error), I have no problem telling them I am not pleased. 

But whether by phone or in person, when it comes to friends I feel FAR more uncomfortable addressing issues, imbalances or upsets.  The irony of course is that friends are the ones that I most want to spend time with and therefore where I want to have the most truthful and honest relationships.  I want that for them, so I guess I have to assume that they want the same for, and from, me.

I am a strong believer in leading by example, so I guess that means it is time for me to step up to the plate and tell the truth - be very real - in all areas of life, whether it is in person or by phone, in Starbucks or a mom-and-pop coffee store, to the hair stylist and to my best friends.  Let's call it an experiment, after all, I do know how the other side feels, I wonder what it is like to be totally real?

I am willing to give it a try, how about you?

Catherine

Being Real

There is something very brave about being real.  

By being real I mean, telling the truth - the good, the bad, the messy, the unpleasant, the embarrassing and the downright ugly.  I value being real in others and admire them for it, but I am still building my own muscle for being real.  However, I am quite often (pleasantly) amazed by the outcomes of being real.

I had an incident with a dear friend recently, where I let a few things pile up and then they boiled over - at least for me.  I know I should have said something sooner.  (Not to make excuses, but rather by way of an explanation, I was the child of a diplomat and so I was raised to be polite over being honest or real.  Sometimes this is perhaps a good thing, it keeps the water smooth, but most other times this does a major disservice to me and those close to me).  

The thing that made this most recent incident so much easier to be with, was the fact that I knew I had a good foundation with this friend.  She has seen me at my best, experienced my generosity and she knows I have been, and would be again, there for her in a heartbeat.  I knew that this was a bump on the road of our relationship.  Amongst the interchange over email there was that familiar reminder that email doesn't always give context or tone and one can be misunderstood or misunderstand another more easily, than if the conversation was occurring live, real time.  

However, I needed time to be mad.  And she generously allowed me to have that.  This is a new thing for me.  In the past I would have blurted out my upset/hurt feelings then immediately felt bad or embarrassed and apologized profusely and stuffed my own feelings down inside me to deal with another day.  To be able to be mad and stew for a couple of days, even though stewing felt weird and almost indulgent, was a real gift.  By the time I had spent a few hours in my own thoughts, I was more present to our deep friendship and less keen to continue holding her at an arm's distance.

When we talked today she was so kind and willing to look at what had happened that had allowed us to go off track. I felt so respected and humbled by her, that I was able to lean even further into, and trust that the foundation of our friendship would be able to get past this bump.  We haven't yet reached a resolution, and I am not sure one is even needed, but we are both clear that my upset is an opportunity for us to look at our relationship and perhaps find a way to enhance it even further.

I know that even though these types of conversations are often really uncomfortable for me, they do bring me to a new, and better, level with those I treasure.  The conversations might take a couple of iterations but they are always worth it in the end.

So, where are you willing to be real?

Here's to muscle building,

Catherine

My photo expedition

As part of the process of setting up this blog, the fabulous Cassandra Rae (who helped me create it), had me do some pre-work which included looking at blogs I liked, and sharing what appealed to me about them.  One of the consistent themes was their photographs, and so she set me a homework assignment to go on a Photo Expedition.  Admittedly, I had ideas of driving to Santa Cruz and photography the beach, or going to Atherton and capturing beautiful homes and gardens, but those would have to wait for another day, as today I only had time to wander around my own back yard and photograph what I saw.  It was nice to get outside though - it reminds me of how much time I spend inside and how I really do enjoy the time I spend out in the garden.

These are four of my favorite photographs, they each give me a sense of amazement about nature, pride because I grew them and/or nurtured them and a reminder that small amounts of effort can lead to beautiful rewards.  Here is what I saw...

..I have three different colored bougainvillea, but this is by far my favorite color.  Most other people like the more orange version, but there is something about this red that just makes me come smile at it's boldness.

This is a lettuce I grew from a hydroponic one that I bought at the grocery store, ate and then saved the core (is that the right term??) I watered it and put it in the sun inside until it started to get new leaves and then I planted it outside, and so far the squirrels, snails and birds all seem to have stayed away from it, so I can pick a few leaves for dinner next week.
Last year, I decided to follow my Dad's tradition and I grew my own tomatoes.  I grew a big red variety and a cherry tomato variety.  This year when I went to the garden store, they didn't have the same varieties in stock so on the recommendation of one of their gardeners I went with two new kinds.  While I don't love the flavors as much as last year, my little cherry tomato plant has produced prolifically and it is still going, here are two little ones ready to be picked and eaten...
And last, but definitely not least, my amazing lemon tree.  I can't stay I planted this one, but I have nurtured it over the last three years and it has responded in kindness.  I have a following with these lemons, so much so, that a friend sends boxes of them to her father in Virginia!  Others juice and drink them every morning.  My husband and I have enjoyed them in drinks, on food, zested, sliced, squeezed and diced, but perhaps our favorite was our very own version of a lemon drop straight from the tree.  I consider myself a guardian of this tree until we sell this house and the next owners take over.  It gives me tremendous pleasure and I look out of my office window at it every day. Here's to you, your garden and that amazing thing called nature!  

Enjoy!

Catherine

What would you attempt to do if you knew you would not fail?

I saw this quote 'What would you attempt to do if you knew you would not fail?' by Dr Robert Schuller at the bottom of a colleague's email today and it made me sigh in that lovely, fulfilled, contented kind of way.  

Hmmm....what would I do if I could not fail? Finish and publish my book, go on a book tour across the US, New Zealand, Australia, the UK and Europe, be invited to be a keynote speaker, and consult with companies over a period of time to increase the passion and productivity levels of their teams.  Yes, that is what I would do, I am not even sure I would 'attempt' it, I think I would just do it.  

The problem is, I don't like to do what everyone else is doing (and in my world it feels like every third person is writing a book, and they can't all be good, can they?) I want my book to be good, really good. The thing that gets me though is I see books on topics I KNOW I could have written, but someone has already beaten me to it.  I guess that is where procrastination and self doubt will get me, huh?  And of course, there are always those inner critics that say, 'well, what if your book isn't any good and you spend a ton of time on it, when you SHOULD be doing something else' plus there is that never ending To Do list that needs addressing.  So somehow, I just never give myself permission to sit down and finish writing it.

Even as I say this, it feels yucky.  Particularly as I am a coach, I really want to lead by example and live my reality in a way that is shaped by me, but most importantly that my reality fills me up with that yummy, delicious and most divine feeling of honoring what is right for me.

Sounds like it's time to start writing...

Here's to taking one action today in alignment with KNOWING you won't fail!

Catherine

Recovering Perfectionist

OK, so my best intentions of writing this blog 5 days a week, have gone astray! 

I am not sure if it is the perfectionist in me that got confronted once I actually began and left me feeling like I had to write the 'right' thing...only darn, what is the right thing??  Or, if I got embarrassed about sharing myself out in the public domain, either way, this blog didn't happen.  The old me would have ridiculed myself until I wanted to hide in a hole, but the 'recovering' perfectionist in me says "oh well, that didn't go as planned, but I have the opportunity to honor my commitment from here on out" - and I'm choosing the latter.

Perhaps it is easier to choose the latter given very few people even know this blog exists at this juncture.  It is a point of embarrassment though, and perhaps will be in the future too, that nearly 3 weeks went by and I have written nothing.  It doesn't mean I have thought about writing and even constructed blogs in my head, but it doesn't count unless I actually sit down and put my fingers on the keyboard.  Still, I am sure I have done far worse, and embarrassed myself in far greater ways than not updating my blog!  

However, I do want to make a commitment to myself, and to whomever comes across this blog in the future, that I really do want to write something, no matter how long or short, 5 days a week.  This is for me and I can't be worried about what others (like you) might think of me.  I have to do this for me, this is part of the way that I am choosing to shape my reality.

Best,

Catherine