Being Real

There is something very brave about being real.  

By being real I mean, telling the truth - the good, the bad, the messy, the unpleasant, the embarrassing and the downright ugly.  I value being real in others and admire them for it, but I am still building my own muscle for being real.  However, I am quite often (pleasantly) amazed by the outcomes of being real.

I had an incident with a dear friend recently, where I let a few things pile up and then they boiled over - at least for me.  I know I should have said something sooner.  (Not to make excuses, but rather by way of an explanation, I was the child of a diplomat and so I was raised to be polite over being honest or real.  Sometimes this is perhaps a good thing, it keeps the water smooth, but most other times this does a major disservice to me and those close to me).  

The thing that made this most recent incident so much easier to be with, was the fact that I knew I had a good foundation with this friend.  She has seen me at my best, experienced my generosity and she knows I have been, and would be again, there for her in a heartbeat.  I knew that this was a bump on the road of our relationship.  Amongst the interchange over email there was that familiar reminder that email doesn't always give context or tone and one can be misunderstood or misunderstand another more easily, than if the conversation was occurring live, real time.  

However, I needed time to be mad.  And she generously allowed me to have that.  This is a new thing for me.  In the past I would have blurted out my upset/hurt feelings then immediately felt bad or embarrassed and apologized profusely and stuffed my own feelings down inside me to deal with another day.  To be able to be mad and stew for a couple of days, even though stewing felt weird and almost indulgent, was a real gift.  By the time I had spent a few hours in my own thoughts, I was more present to our deep friendship and less keen to continue holding her at an arm's distance.

When we talked today she was so kind and willing to look at what had happened that had allowed us to go off track. I felt so respected and humbled by her, that I was able to lean even further into, and trust that the foundation of our friendship would be able to get past this bump.  We haven't yet reached a resolution, and I am not sure one is even needed, but we are both clear that my upset is an opportunity for us to look at our relationship and perhaps find a way to enhance it even further.

I know that even though these types of conversations are often really uncomfortable for me, they do bring me to a new, and better, level with those I treasure.  The conversations might take a couple of iterations but they are always worth it in the end.

So, where are you willing to be real?

Here's to muscle building,

Catherine